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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the headline about midget psychic on the run from the Law? It read, ""Small Medium At Large."""

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"The kiss is a wordless articulation of desire whose object lies in the future, and somewhat to the south."
"[OC] What do you call a Latino on a bike? Juan less car (one less car)"
"That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive"
"What subreddit is the same as a recycling machine and will disappoint people [removed] ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Yesididjustcombine2jokes"
"They always tell me, ""Measure twice. Cut once""... ...but they never say which of the two measurements I should use to cut by."
"'I've been a very naughty girl!' she said, licking her lips, 'I need to be punished . . .' So he invited his mother to stay for Christmas."
"Silly Political/Finance Joke What do Vladimir Putin, Crude Oil, and the Russian Ruble have in common? They're all going to be 65 this year."
"REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU"
"One time my teacher was telling a story about war and the girl in front of me slowly opened her laptop and liked Downy on Facebook."