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Joke of the Day

"REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU"

"When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my mum said, ""Just use a fcuking spoon, Mike. You're not a Jedi."""

"The instructions for this tent is just a picture of a husband yelling at his wife, that's weird."

"Give a boy a fish, he eats for a day. Give Albert Fish a boy, he eats for a week."

"The Seventh Sense: ""I can smell dead people."""

"Hey, do you like wind? No. I'm not a fan."

"If you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don't have to sell you anything."

"CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice"

"Put the punchline in another post. http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2l881i/how_do_you_keep_an_idiot_in_suspense/"

"A Russian walks into an Ukrainian bar... And farts. The Russian says, ""I'm sorry for Putin."""