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Joke of the Day

"What fish make the best sandwich? A peanut butter and jellyfish"

"I childproofed my house, but they keep getting in."

"You know why I love dead baby jokes? They never get old"

"To do: 1. Read one book. 2. Ask someone if they've read that book. 3. Act incredulous when they say no."

"Having a girlfriend is like having a car... ... I don't have a car :'(."

"My computer blew up in front of my face. I still can't process why that happened."

"I'm texting nothing but ugly girls from now on. They text back so fast!"

"My friend wants to carve a Venus statue from a tree. That seems like it would take a while, woodentit?"

"What starts with ""f"" and ends with ""uck""? FIRE DUCK O SHIT WADDUP"

"Husband: [sends text] We need to break up. Wife: [sends text] WTF! Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else."