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Joke of the Day

"The barber asked me ""do u have any kids"" & I said ""I do not, no"" and he got very quiet, realize now he probs thought I said ""I do not know"""

"BABY FROZEN STEAK: mommy is he coming back MOM STEAK: no honeyget some sleep [rocky walks into the freezer] ROCKY: time to punch some meats"

"Whenever someone says, ""that's what she said"", I like to reply with, ""not to you"""

"Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, Bob Marley, Marilyn Monroe, ""Venison's dear isn't it?"", John Lennon, Albert Einstein, Bruce Lee, Steve McQueen, James Dean Pun intended"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, But i dont know how they would get inside of it!"

"The bassist walked past the bar."

"A lot of people say they're ""real"" as if it's some sort of redeeming quality. Try not being an asshole. How's that for real?"

"Thanks for always acting surprised by breakfast in bed like you slept right through the great pots and pans avalanche of 6:45 AM."

"Why is I such a controlling letter? Because I said so."

"Why don't people tell jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones? The punchline is too long."