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Joke of the Day

"I would make a joke about Mexicans... ...but that would be crossing the border"

"Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret."

"Contrary to popular belief, the best lubricant for anal sex is not tears. It's blood"

"I was going to make a joke about Counter Strike... But it would be globally offensive."

"WIFE: why is the dog wearing a tux? ME: u said to groom him WIFE: i meant brush ME: oh...sorry buddy, wedding's off DOG: this is bullshit"

"I saw a homeless guy in town shouting about a lot of random stuff... It was a vague rant."

"The judge told me I might get capital punishment for my crimes, and asked me if I knew what it meant.. I didn't, so I told him to use it in a sentence."

"[Question] Where did that offensive joke post go? I'm pretty sure I saved it to make reference to eventually and now I cannot find it. There was some gold in there."

"How is Hillary Clinton and a high class prostitute different? Rich people pay the prostitute to fuck them, they pay Hillary Clinton to fuck everyone else."

"I'm not afraid of death, so much as I am of dying! I wanna die how my father died, peacefully in his sleep, not like his screaming terrified passengers! *Gotham, Mondays on Fox*"