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Joke of the Day

"Oh, you're an early riser? Yes. Have kids? No. A farm? No. Insomnia? No. Medical condition? No. Psycho."

"I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said ""day before Valentine's Day"" like I'm some genius who knows when Valentine's Day is."

"""You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this"" -Guy who invented shovels"

"I'm Winston Wolf, I fix problems. So I hear you're having a bad hair day."

"My exercise routine is a running joke."

"Can we please stop with the holocaust jokes? My grandfather died in a concentration camp. He fell off the guard tower."

"What nationality are Sprinters? They Russian. I'll also see myself out."

"The year is 2044. After trillions of dollars and thousands of lives lost, the SpaceX program lands a man on Mars. Mars: I have a boyfriend"

"Yo mamma so bald... you can see what is on her mind."

"A 9 year old patient in the hospital i work at had to have his leg amputated. He asked the doctor ""will my leg ever grow back?"" The Doctor replied ""sorry Johnny, you only limb once"""