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Joke of the Day
"I just got a great new lab coat! The meat was pretty good too."
Next Joke
"An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It's the most adorable massacre in history."
"[1st date] Me: I've got crabs [date leaves] [back home looking at my fish tank] ""It's all right guys, one day I'll find one who'll like you"""
"I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos."
"You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan."
"If you find me dead after tweeting & driving, please hit SEND to get that final thought out there"
"My girlfriend and I have a rocky relationship... Much like Sylvester Stallone, there is a communication problem."
"I asked my mom where she went to get groceries and if she would tell me if anyone died in game of thrones. She said... Jons, no"
"Surgeon: I'm unable to perform this surgery. I've only got 10,000 spoons, when all I need is a knife."
"A cockroach walks into a bar... A cockroach walks into a bar and says ""Is the bar tender here?"""