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Joke of the Day

"*Action movie guy gets shot 3 times* It's nothing, I'll be fine. *gets shot a 4th time* Wow ok, that last one, ok whoooooo."

"What do you call a sharp witted man, that knows many languages, and is skilled at giving oral? A cunning linguist."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? If we don't get support soon, people will think we are nuts."

"And God said, ""Let there be light""... ..and American beer turned into water. And it was bad."

"Never drink and derive You'll integrate something you don't need."

"[first date] HER: What are you doing with the Tupperware? ME: [filling container] The sign says 'All You Can Eat', it doesn't specify when"

"Why couldn't the two testes be friends? Because of the vas deferens."

"An Irish man walks out of a bar.... That's the joke."

"Did to hear about the guy who pretended to wash his hair with excrement? It was actually sham-poo. *thunderous applause*"

"The best thing to do with Christmas lights that don't work is put them back in the attic so they can frustrate you again next year."