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Joke of the Day

"Doctor Sawbones speaking. Oh doctor my girlfriend's just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in say three or four weeks' time?"

"What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway!"

"Vegans who drink water disgust me. That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage."

"I want to go to Gordon Ramsey's restaurant, throw a plate of risotto against the wall, and say ""Whoever made this is a fucking donkey!"""

"My sex life is a lot like the Olympic 100m final. I wait 4 years for it and it's over in less than 10 seconds."

"Why can't New Zealanders tell you how many sexual partners they've had? Every time they start to count, they fall asleep."

"A terrorist made a post on reddit... Then he said ""Well, I'm gonna see how's that gonna blow up in a few hours"""

"What do you call a magic owl? Hoodini"

"how do you help gay psychopaths? With a straight jacket ."

"What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him? Nothing. He just let out a little wine."