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Joke of the Day

"I want to go to Gordon Ramsey's restaurant, throw a plate of risotto against the wall, and say ""Whoever made this is a fucking donkey!"""

"Things I Hate: slow internet connection and monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday and half of friday."

"I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation."

"I like to stand next to someone else's screaming baby, call an ex boyfriend, and tell him, ""We need to talk!"""

"Teacher: ""What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"" Student: ""Baseballs."" Teacher: ""Baseballs?"" Student: ""Yeah they were Cleveland Indians!"""

"All of the world's natural disaster met to decide which one was the worst. Avalanche won by a landslide."

"Lethal tasers can be a real buzzkill."

"I shared a banana with my Dad today... He had the inside bit again :( (Joke courtesy of the hysterical 'Adam Hess')"

"The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand."

"I'm so faithful, I don't even have a girlfriend and I STILL don't sleep with other women!"