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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife I love her like a Brit loves soccer... She looked worried and said, ""So you're going to get drunk and yell at me?"" EDIT: correcting auto-correct."

"[to an inflatable tube man waving outside a car dealership] i feel like you're overreacting. these are moderate savings at best"

"An atheist, a vegan, and a Cross Fitter walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone in the first 3 minutes."

"I want my girlfriend to be a 10. Woops, bad typo, I didn't mean to put that ""a"" in the title"

"Breaking news: Cartoonist found dead in his own home. The details were sketchy."

"What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana? Tiger Woods had a better driver!"

"I just read a story about a blind guy who's training to run in his eleventh marathon in case you were wondering what a lazy fuck you are."

"What do you call a stoner dinosaur? A Smokealottapottapus."

"Some women bounce back quickly after pregnancy.. some just bounce"

"What is successful but always beat? Rihanna"