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Joke of the Day

"An atheist, a vegan, and a Cross Fitter walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone in the first 3 minutes."

"What do you call Bigfoot when he has an attitude? A sass-squatch."

"In capitalist America! Bank robs you!!"

"Palpatine what was your involvement in 9/11? Flew it."

"What did one tomato say to the other? Catch up."

"Statistically... 9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape."

"My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions... until I hit him in the face with a coconut."

"Her: I think my IUD came loose and is floating around in there Me: C'mere, I drop my guitar pick in the sound hole all the time, no problem"

"Yo momma so fat When she wants to feel sexy, she puts on a marathong."

"WIFE [in labour] GOD MAKE IT STOP MIDWIFE: The baby's WIFE: NO, THE NOISE ME [stops playing pan pipes] Is the nurse being too loud, love?"