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Joke of the Day

"Remember that guy that told us that he had no asshole? I think he's full of shit."

"My friend's boyfriend is an optometrist and a sadomasochist. She says he's a real sight for sore eyes even though he can be a pain in the ass."

"Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? BECAUSE There was no chemistry. LOL"

"what did the doe say when she came out of the woods? I'm never doing THAT for two bucks again."

"Hellen Keller Jokes What's long and black? every day How did Hellen Keller lose her virginity? Someone left a plunger in the toilet"

"*At store buying school supplies* Son: I need hashtag 2 pencils"

"Finished my 2nd glass of wine. Husband doesn't know it yet but he has a 30 second window of getting laid before I pass ou"

"[clenching fists] ""I'll fight someone"" Waiter: For the last time sir, 'cheese plate' describes the items on the plate not the plate itself"

"The first Matrix director coming out as a trans-woman felt bold, unexpected and original.... .... the second one? Ehh... not so much."

"Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] ""You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes..."" Me: ""Umm, it's 'fish'."" M: ""This. This is why."""