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Joke of the Day

"I call my nephews ""Dude"" and ""Homie"" because I'm the cool Aunt! (I don't know their names.)"

"My phone corrects ""haha"" to ""hahaha"", so all my friends think they're 50% funnier than they actually are."

"Why are the nordic countries the best countries to live in? Their flags are big plusses."

"When do you kick a midget in the nuts? When he stands next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice."

"I lost my mood ring earlier today... I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win 2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] ""no thanks"""

"What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler? Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window."

"Did you hear about Taco Bell's new sauce? It's picked-out daily south of the border."

"The best free drug is being super, super tired and then lying down."

"I wanted to see lot of animals so I went to the zoo. But they only had one small dog. It was a SHIH-TZU."