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Joke of the Day

"POLICE! OPEN UP, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. WELL, WE DON'T KNOW BUT WE'RE KINDA HOPING YOU ARE COS IT WAS A LONG DRIVE & JIM NEEDS TO PEE."

"For 20 years, I've pretended to be the head of propaganda at my company. I'm not really, I just tell everyone I am and they believe me."

"The hearing-aid A man is dining in a restaurant and speaks to a waiter. Man: Excuse me sir, I found a hearing-aid on my plate. Waiter: What?"

"Where does Iron Man live? Iron know."

"I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?"

"I almost got raped in jail one time. I tell you, my family takes Monopoly way too seriously."

"If a stranger offers you a piece of candy...take two."

"What do you call a berry with a sore throat? A raspberry!"

"MC stands for both Medical Certificate and Mic Controller and they both give you License to Ill"

"What's one thing that always sticks up for you when you make bad decisions. A boner. Thank you very much."