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Joke of the Day

"[aquarium exit] Excuse me ma'am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*"

"What did the bassist say when he played too high? I'm in treble now"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]"

"Whiny prostitute Why did the whiny prostitute feel she really needed to buy a house? So she could finally feel comfortable telling her parents she was a ho' moaner."

"F Scott Fitzgerald ...and F the Great Gatsby as well."

"What has 100 legs and 3 teeth? A centipede on meth."

"Praying: It's like wanting to help without actually having to help"

"I want cake, to get cake I must get dressed, to get dressed I have to get out of bed, to get out of bed I need cake."

"[Carnac the Magnificent] Donald Trump Hannibal Lector Liver and fava beans *opens envelope* ""Name a winner, a skinner, and a dinner"""

"What do spiders eat in France? French flys"