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Joke of the Day

"Octopus - 8 arms ""Yes"" Octagon - 8 sides ""Yes"" Octuplets - 8 babies ""Yes"" October - 8th month ""No"" I'm burning this world down"

"The chances of Donald Trump being elected."

"I added Michael J Fox as a friend on Instagram... He likes every single one of my photos."

"""The best part of waking up was the Folgers in my cup"" - Suicide note, first draft"

"""Tell me where the money is or else I kill the girl"" -just to be clear, if I don't tell you she dies but I get to live right?"

"Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? A: If we change the light bulb we'll have to change everything."

"What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win? Atrophy."

"I'm boycotting 50 Shades of Grey because it perpetuates the stereotype that men can change."

"My girlfriend keeps saying that it's not working out. I said, ""well, you haven't gone to the gym for a while, have you?"""

"How many guys in the Friendzone does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just stand around complimenting it, and then get pissed when another guy screws it."