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Joke of the Day

"Where does light go to jail? prism"

"What does a flaky boyfriend and constipation have in common? They're both assholes who can't commit."

"I'm volunteering at the tempura house tonight. It's a shelter for lightly battered women."

"All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word."

"Grandma's not dead... ... she just stored in the cloud now."

"Not everyone that comes into your life needs to stay there."

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to sell oranges by the side of the highway."

"Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your ""shake"" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake"

"Why couldn't the NSA do anything after the blizzard? Because they were Snowden."

"What do you call a bunch of stereotypical Americans running? Nothing, it never happens."