162958

Joke of the Day

"I wanted to propose to her. I wanted to propose her.I gave her a ring.What the heck,she won't pick up the phone."

"My girlfriend told me that she's sick of me pretending I'm a cat Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a cat. I packed your bags. I want you to go."" Me: ""Wait, are you kicking MEEEOOWWT???"""

"I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, It is now a Ford Focus. I can't claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers' streams."

"My identity was stolen two days ago. They called today begging for me to take it back."

"i got locked in the PBR factory over the weekend... i did what i had to do to survive and drank my own piss"

"Relationships are a lot like algebra.. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"

"Five. Five dollar. Five dollar (and thirty five cents sales tax) footlong."

"What do you call a really bad sausage? The Wurst."

"What do you call a dinosaur that hates punchlines? MY LEGS! OH GOD, HE'S EATING MY LEGS! AAAAARGGHH!"

"On what day of every week do soft drinks sell the most? thursday"