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Joke of the Day

"I only make my food from the natural ingredients, like uranium and asbestos"

"Why does nobody laugh at zombie-Peter Pan's jokes? He always tells them with a dead Pan face."

"[office] DAVE: We're having a baby SUE: Congratulations! ME: [suspicious that Dave is a seahorse] Looking forward to the birth, Dave?"

"If bird-watching is called bird-watching, what do you cal cow-watching? A steak out."

"Facebook needs an ""I've already seen this on Twitter"" button."

"[police show picture of my dead body at bottom of stairs to wife] ""Why no pants on?"" We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell"

"What's the difference between a mosque and a school? I don't know, I just fly the drones."

"Reincarnation, evolution, whatever. At some point, Larry King was a possum."

"Halloween and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing... people dress up and pretend to be someone they're not for some sugar"

"Son, I'm not a mad scientist, just a disappointed scientist."