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Joke of the Day

"""We don't allow faster than light neutrinos here"" said the bartender. A neutrino walked into a bar."

"I woke my wife one night and said ""The force is awakening."" She replied, ""Not tonight Hand Solo."""

"I received an envelope full of semen today The mail came"

"30+ and single? There's an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat."

"What's the difference between Jesus & a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"Someone angrily told me ""You're so sarcastic!"" That would be like me angrily telling a woman ""You're so beautiful!"""

"""Poop"" is quite possibly the shittiest palindrome in the whole English language."

"I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat."

"Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is."