107678

Joke of the Day

"Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is."

"Teacher- ""what does a chicken give you?"" Students- ""Meat!"" Teacher- ""Good! Now what does the pig give you?"" Students- ""Bacon!"" Teacher- ""Great! Now what does a fat cow give you?"" Students- ""Homework!"""

"Bough some shoes from my drug dealer. They were pretty nice"

"My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak."

"Why are women such bad drivers? Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom."

"What do you call a depressed gang member? An emoji... Emo g, get it? From my 13 year old son"

"My husband is turning 58 tomorrow. Join me wishing him ""Jesus, you're how old?"""

"At the touch of her lips, it grew hard an swollen... I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I d ever seen."

"What's the opposite of critical thinking? Critical theory."

"Did you guys hear about that crazy thing Trump said at the debate last night? I couldn't believe it. He said ""Ohio is a spectacular place."""