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Joke of the Day

"What's going be America's largest export once Trump gets elected? Americans."

"How many Jon Snows does it take to change a light bulb? It wouldn't matter. Jon Snow knows nothing."

"as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water"

"My iPhone corrects ""WHOA"" to ""WHOSE"", which just made my text response to ""I JUST HAD A BABY!!!"" a little awkward."

"I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it"

"Why am I still hearing noises from the class? Because you still have ears, teacher."

"""it looks like one horny mother fucker wrote this"" *holds up torch to read hieroglyphics painted on wall* ""it reads: ""can i fuck a pyramid"""

"How do you pick up a jew? With a dustpan of course!"

"I find my confidence always goes up after some basic carpentry... ...I'm pretty proud of myshelf"

"What is a traitor? A tray shaped dinosaur. Credits go to the wife for that one! She still giggles when she tells it."