173717

Joke of the Day

"My iPhone corrects ""WHOA"" to ""WHOSE"", which just made my text response to ""I JUST HAD A BABY!!!"" a little awkward."

"You know she loves you when you wakeup in a pool of ice in the motel room bathtub with only one kidney removed."

"Why did the Gluteus Maximus feel bullied? He was the butt of many jokes."

"...Maybe it should be called 'Dancing Without The Stars.'"

"I'm bad at sewing Shit, wrong thread."

"MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else."

"Hitler was the worst camp counselor ever."

"I was going to join the debating team in high school, but someone talked me out of it."

"My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don't think she'd be a good secret agent."

"Chipotle is releasing a new ""Ravens"" burrito. It comes with everything but rice."