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Joke of the Day

"A crowd of theater fanatics walk into a bar. They go to the bartender and say, ""One round please."" ""A round of what?"" The bartender asks. ""A round of *applause*!"" They all scream in unison."

"Pa's being chased by a bull! Well what in tarnation do you want me to do about it? Get me some film for my camera!"

"I'm ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there."

"Nooo shit...me buying too much stuff?! My wife was complaining about the fact that I'm buying too much useless stuff on the internet..... So I sent her back to Thailand."

"Welcome to your 40s! Your body will do new and exciting things such as sneeze-pee, yawn-burp, and light speed chin hair growth."

"What's Sarah Jessica Parker's favorite dance move? The Neigh Neigh."

"If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission."

"""Isn't it strange how we were all once an egg?"" I told my wife. ""Well, grandpa still is,"" interrupted my son."

"What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep ? Trunkquilizers !"

"TIL why Conservatives don't use birth control. Boys don't get pregnant."