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Joke of the Day

"Yes, I've been in love before. I've also had salmonella poisoning and you don't see me running back for seconds."

"If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them."

"Did you hear about the wrestler who was beaten by a vampire? He was down for the count"

"whats the difference between girl M&M's and boy M&M's? Boy M&M's have nuts."

"How does the Asian chef get to work? He woks."

"My 3-year-old was counting on her fingers in the other room. She finished at 9. I am concerned on so many levels right now."

"I'm opening up a Battered Shrimp Shelter in my stomach."

"Rehab addicts go to rehab rehab."

"Played Monopoly with a kid & argued that I CAN buy the jail.. Teaching him a valuable lesson about the privitisation of the prison system."

"I'm no accountant but I'm thinking if you sold your Escalade, you could probably afford a lawnmower. Maybe even some paint for the house."