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Joke of the Day

"My 3-year-old was counting on her fingers in the other room. She finished at 9. I am concerned on so many levels right now."

"I was fired from the orange juice factory I just couldn't concentrate."

"I like my women like I like my carrots... Chopped up, in a plastic bag at the back of the freezer."

"Why did the prostitute die? Because fuck you, thats why."

"Damn girl, did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like your face hit the ground first."

"I wanted to grill something good for watching today's horse race But my butcher didn't have any Belmont steaks"

"The so called genius at the Apple Store mentioned he has a girlfriend; thus, his geek credibility is compromised & I don't trust his advice."

"I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl one one hand. It's zero, because I've never been to Chernobyl."

"I hate when I find a show on TV that I like and I start to get into it and then I realize that it's my neighbor's window and he looks angry."

"How do you make a dog go meow? Freeze it and run it through a bandsaw. MEEEOWW!!"