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Joke of the Day

"Old Lady at the bank I work at a bank, and one time an old lady asked if I could check her balance. So I pushed her over."

"A real boyfriend will blow up his girl's phone when she's mad at him. She may not want to answer, but at least she'll see his effort."

"Hey, Dyson vacuum guy. You invented a previously existing invention. Relax."

"So If the Pope shits in a toilet.... Does that make it holy shit? Aaaand thats my shitpost for the day."

"Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you."

"Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing"

"I was gonna make a joke about sluts... ...but it would just be whoreable."

"My TV makes me wonder what song Samsung."

"Wanna hear something gross about USA? $18.124 trillion"

"I was rescued after being exposed to the elements... I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, so I got the doctor to tell it to me straight. His reply: ""Once they go black, they never grow back."""