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Joke of the Day

"I'd never snoop through my girlfriend's phone out of love, a deep respect and the inability to crack her password."

"A man turns to another and says: ""sitting here is almost as bad as being drunk"" the second man, confused, asks ""How bad can being drunk be?"" the first responds, ""Try asking a glass of water"""

"I'm not saying my ex wasn't pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture."

"Why should you always invite Amish people to a party? They know how to raise the roof."

"If you know someone who has too many kids, buy them a game of Jenga So they'll learn to pull out"

"I met an exercising nun. She was a firm believer."

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a BMW? I don't have a BMW in my garage. ....and if I did, I *probably* wouldn't masturbate in it."

"Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question"

"Don't pay your taxes. Get sent to a cool ass prison. Boom, now taxes pay you. Life hack."

"What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries? A neurosturgeon"