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Joke of the Day

"The wife just said ""right, pack ur bags and go ya lazy bastard."" I said,""fuck off...you pack them."""

"When is Jesse Jackson going to notice how segregated Neopolitan ice cream is?"

"bought a box of 100 crickets from the pet store and released them back into the ocean were they belong"

"When people tell me I'm intimidating, I generally just glare at them until they take it back."

"Why did the guitar player get arrested He was fingering a minor"

"My friend recently broke up with his girlfriend... I said ""There's plenty of fish in the sea."" and he replied ""Yeah, but it's not just the smell I miss."""

"A man once said, that i was gay... ...i took his dick out of my mouth and said ""i'll add an extra 5 bucks to the bill for that"""

"What is the worst part about having sex with an old woman? Ever open a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"A duck walks into a CVS... The duck walks up to the counter and says, ""I'd like to buy some chapstick."" The clerk says, ""Will that be cash or charge?"" The duck says, ""I'll just put it on my bill."""

"Some people don't believe in New Year resolutions. Like everyone in this McDonald's drive thru."