23544

Joke of the Day

"What's an emo's favorite game? Russian roulette, except with a full chamber."

"Toaster settings: No.1: ""I do nothing."" No.2: ""I do nothing."" No.3: ""I do nothing."" No.4: ""I SET BREAD ON FIRE!"""

"Why does bread not have eyebrows? Because it's bread."

"Me: I love you! Girlfriend: Is that you, or the vodka talking? Me: It's me...talking to the vodka."

"Did you hear about the vintage attache with a perfectly working clasp? It was a classic open-and-shut case."

"The ONE time I actually want to say ""duck"", damn you autocorrect! ""Sorry again! I'd love to join the preschool field trip to the DUCK pond"""

"Why are Fencers so popular on /r/Jokes? Because they do well with Ripostes."

"It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."

"Arrhythmia, blocked arteries, leaky valves, ""Hey, I found you on Twitter"" and other things that will suddenly stop your heart."

"Happy alentine's ay! For people who won't get the D or V"