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Joke of the Day

"Clark Kent ""I have a confession"" Lois Lane ""what is it?"" *Clark removes his glasses* Lois ""Is it a bird?"" Clark ""WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU"""

"i don't always add and multiply, just sum times"

"How do you feel about perfumes being designed by computers? Because I think it makes perfect scents."

"The teachers could tell my wife & I were embarrassed by our son's grades when we showed up to conferences with paper bags on our heads."

"The bitches love me because I'm well spoken, intelligent and would never disrespect them and shit."

"So what do you guys think my odds are of getting hit by a car if I went out on my road bike right now? 4/20?"

"JESUS: I shall turn water to wine JUDAS: Actually wine is 85% water so that's only 15% miracle JESUS: This is literally the WORST betrayal"

"After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios, amigo."

"British woman suing McDonalds after finding a cigarette in her ONE year old's Happy Meal.As if ciggie wasn't the healthiest thing in the bag"

"They say if your erection lasts... They say if your erection lasts more than 4 hours that you should call a doctor... I say you should tell your wife to call some friends!"