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Joke of the Day

"Q: What is the definition of a major seventh? A: A violist playing octaves."

"I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping."

"What was a tramp stamp in the 19th century? A slattern pattern"

"The rich need it, the homeless has it and if you eat you'll die. Answear: Nothing! The rich don't need anything, the homeless has nothing and if you eat nothing you'll die."

"The Job Interview: HR: So you are bilingual? Me: Si HR: In your native tongue please. Me: Ooga Booga"

"[doctor walks in] there's no easy way to say this. you have [looks at clipboard] cat...cat erects? cat or racks? Sorry. I'm new."

"Great Insults A letter from teacher to parent:Dear parent,Kamal doesn't smel nice in class.Please try to bathe him.Parent answer:Dear teacher,Kamal is not a rose.Don't smell him.Teach him."

"I'd like to apologize to the lady on the bus. I assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana."

"There's these 3 old ladies sitting on a bench. A guy comes up in a trench coat and flashes the 3 ladies. The first one has a stroke. The second one has a stroke. The third one couldn't reach."

"Why did the post office get sued? For Mail-Practice!!"