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Joke of the Day

"If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it."

"What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backwards? He keeps coming and coming and coming..."

"Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday"

"Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly."

"Why are oceans so salty? Because the Earth is always tilted."

"When does CPR become necrophilia?"

"What's the only difference between a near sighted and a far sighted gynecologist ? A wet nose."

"What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting? A tooter"

"Kids are like smoking cigarettes. I love them for about 5 minutes a day, until I realize that they are slowly killing me. Jim Jefferies"

"What do you get when you drop an egg off the Empire State Building? New Yolk"