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Joke of the Day
"I accidentally flogged another dominatrix's client. Oops, wrong sub."
Next Joke
"A duck goes into a drug store He says gimee some chap stick put it on my bill"
"I got a banging sound system fitted into my car. Might make my job as a hearse driver more entertaining."
"Have a burning hatred for questions and people? YOU could be a medical receptionist!"
"GREETINGS MORTAL, YOU MAY ASK ME ONE QUE- ""what's the deal with airline food?"" GODDAMNIT JERRY HOW DO YOU KEEP FINDING THIS CRYSTAL"
"Quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail is as easy as 1-2-5"
"I'm sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows."
"What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's? Jackpot!"
"[Interview] ""Do you have any previous experience dealing with animals?"" [flashback to my flatmate leaving toast crumbs in the butter] ..Yes."
"[pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I'm missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*"