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Joke of the Day

"I carry a gun because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six."

"Damn it's cold out. Better wear a coat, hat, gloves & boots. Sorry legs, you're still getting pants only, thanks for doing all the work tho"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a stick? I don't have a stick up my ass!"

"The iPhone 5 will be able to print bacon"

"ANGEL: the humans need a model for how they should treat you... GOD: [creates dog] ANGEL: ...and for how they actually do GOD: [creates cat]"

"Yo moma is so old she knew the Great Wall of China when it was just ok"

"My friend was dating a communist He should have noticed earlier; there were a lot of red flags."

"CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice"

"You can tune a guitar, but you can't tune a fish"

"Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him..."