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Joke of the Day

"Damn it's cold out. Better wear a coat, hat, gloves & boots. Sorry legs, you're still getting pants only, thanks for doing all the work tho"

"I hope I die alone. I mean, you'd have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you."

"As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: ""Let me see your phone"""

"Somebody finally wrote a book about clock fetishes It's about fucking time."

"Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac? Because none of their plans are ill-conceived."

"Mary had a little lamb. ...and she was delicious!"

"The pope walks into a Mosque A Muslim looks up and asks ""Why the wrong faith?"""

"What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? they're fun to ride until your friends find out."

"I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with a baseball bat."

"How many beans are in Irish bean soup? Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty."