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Joke of the Day

"CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice"

"My grandpa has the heart of a lion... ...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo."

"It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up."

"A Chinese man goes to the eye doctor complaining of poor eyesight in his left eye. The doctor says ""I see you have a cataract"". The Chinese man says, ""No I don't...I have a rincoln continental."""

"""It's okay, man. There are a lot of fish in the sea."" -Weird way to comfort someone whose nephew has just died."

"So I finally decided to read one of Freud's books today... It's been shitting on my self for awhile now."

"Why did Billy Joel get acquitted? Because he didn't start the fire."

"When I was a kid I was a sore loser... ...,I cried every time my dad beat me."

"I think my optometrist is falling in love with me... Every time I leave his office he hands me a sample of contact solution and says, ""Eye care for you"""

"So most foot longs at Subway are 7$ not 5$. I'm not mad that it's more money. I'm just mad that I sing their tunes of false advertisement"