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Joke of the Day
"Just started a new job and apparently they use the word work less figuratively than I do."
Next Joke
"When live gives you lemons... life is trying to tell you you're leading a sour life."
"""Your bathroom has better lighting for selfies"" wasn't a good enough excuse for my surprised neighbor getting out of the shower. So uptight."
"What's the name of the tree that gives mexicans? The scaffolding"
"What comes in hard, comes out soft, and what do you blow hard? chewing gum, you sicko..."
"Why'd the short man take the elevator up? He was feeling down"
"Time 4 the 3rd debate, the political eqivalent of driving past a street corner several times to make sure u choose the least skanky ho! ;^)"
"It's like these birds don't even know that it's the crack of fuck on a mother fucking Saturday morning."
"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"
"For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders... It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic."