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Joke of the Day

"I spent an hour staring at the OJ container yesterday. It said ""concentrate."""

"After math class, my friend fell off of a vertical cliff... I yelled Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^!"

"How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw it in and one to take credit for it."

"My mother said fetch me a glass of water... My mother said ""fetch me a glass of water"" and I said ""no"" my mom said ""I bore you for nine months!"" So I said ""you bore me every time you speak!"""

"Recipe for homemade charcoal: 1. Put dinner in the oven. 2. Sit down to check one quick thing on the internet..."

"Poor Susie! Q: Why couldn't Susie ride the swings? A: Because she has no arms! Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie!"

"[runs up to a group of people] ME: ZACK ATTACK GUY: lol is your name zack or [thousands of bros crest a nearby hill] ME: [whispering] RUN"

"I once dated a guy who left a trail of rose petals leading to a sinkful of dirty dishes."

" I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!"

"Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble? Because it was a wrapped scallion."