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Joke of the Day

"I told my girlfriend to apply for a job at the pet store 'cause she really knows how to handle a cock 'r two"

"What do you call a smart plumber? A wisecrack."

"ME: u know what they say, drink with one eye open WIFE: they don't say that, you're drunk ME: *closes other eye* it is very dark in here"

"How do you make a hormone? You pay her. (This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.)"

"How do you stop a 6'4"" 300lb black kid from charging? You take away his EBT card."

"I let my baby girl know she can do anything. Except taking the bow out of her hair cuz IT'S REALLY CUTE AND SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE IT ALONE."

"Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do5 Abandon4 Lie3 Cheat2 Abuse1 Forget to start the dishwasher"

"The bartender says..... ""We don't serve faster-than-light particles here!"" A tachyon enters a bar."

"Ole! What does a fat white chick and a cinder block have in common???Both will eventually get laid by a Mexican!!!"

"What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard? Sorry you're not my type."