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Joke of the Day

"Jew joke What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? They don't scream when you put them in a oven!"

"The French name for I Can't Believe It's Not Butter translates literally to False Butter Has Entered Our Home"

"I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers."

"As an obese man, I think I would make a pretty good presidential candidate. I too only run once every four years."

"I like to think of myself as the Martha Stewart of slobs."

"Why did the couch give the table a dollar? Because it was for chair-ity"

"When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, ""Sounds like somebody needed a friend"""

"What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they got married? Feyonce"

"Golf Tip: Be sure and yell ""FORE"" before throwing your golf club at a jogger."

"Forgive me Twitter, for I have sinned. It has been four days since my last tweet. Because, you know... weed and Sudoku."