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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell you are dealing with an extroverted engineer? He's staring at somebody else's shoes."

"Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she said, ""Remember, you have a wife."""

"Peyton Manning is opening a bakery. As a special promotion, he's giving away turnovers."

"There's a big difference between writing poetry, and just making stories with rhymes. Guess which one I'm good at, limes."

"Where did the promiscuous girl from Belgium go to plant her flowers? ze Hoegaarden."

"A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, ""I slept with a Brazilian...."" The blonde replies, ""Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"""

"[Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant] Cop: You're under arrest. Me: What's the charge? [Lowers sunglasses] Cop: a salt and buttery."

"Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets? No it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention."

"Twitter's original name was ""Sentence Contest"""

"My dad got me at the adoption center today He pretended to just leave me there. Good one dad, now come pick me up please."