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Joke of the Day
"Twitter's original name was ""Sentence Contest"""
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"A mosquito goes to a military base. The commanding officer says, ""Sorry, this is a 'no fly' zone."""
"I want a girl to go down on me As much as the Pokemon Go servers do"
"I've been developing a photographic memory."
"How did Hellen Keller burn her ear? She answered the iron."
"Shop Locally. Sometimes we have the thing you need maybe I dunno come back next week."
"TIL that Paradise, Nevada was completely paved over at one point. To put up a parking lot"
"Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won't need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird."
"There are two types of people in the world: Those that divide everything into two categories, and those that don't."
"I once killed 19 birds with one gunshot, people asked why didn't I round up to 20 Do you really think I would risk getting caught lying just for 1 bird ?"