35322

Joke of the Day

"My dad got me at the adoption center today He pretended to just leave me there. Good one dad, now come pick me up please."

"What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days? Her husband's salary."

"A Dutch man is talking to his American friend... A Dutch man is talking to his American friend and says ""I fuck horses"" The American, astonished says, ""Pardon?!"" The Dutch man goes ""Yes! Paarden!"""

"*Goes to the store* *Buys donughts, doughnut holes, and glue*"

"[interrogation] ""Where were you on the night of the 5th?"" ""Dealing drugs."" ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] ""Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."""

"Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge..... receives honorable discharge"

"Things I've learned as a mom: Kiss boo boo's. Say I love you a lot. Snuggle when they ask. Do laundry daily. Hide the good snacks."

"When you tell me to behave you really should be more specific. Behaving badly is still behaving. Technically..."

"The couple in the room next door are having sex again. It's horrible. The chick's moaning sounds like a wounded walrus."

"pplease remember to turn your location on so the buffoons on this web site can have an easier time finding you, for whatever horrible reason"