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Joke of the Day

"What does an egg say to a pot of boiling water? It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"Q: Why did the lady and her attorney seek a scarlet frock as part of a settlement? A: Because she wanted a red dress for her grievances."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support quick or people are going to think we're nuts."

"Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him ""a promising Rookie""."

"How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it's a three-dollar bill you can be sure."

"Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31"

"What do you call a monkey sitting on a lions back? The most animalistic way to ride a pussy"

"What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian? Someone who knocks on your door at 6 a.m. for no reason."

"-Joe's coming over. ""Joe from work or Joe who thinks he's the Norse god, Thor?"" [the distant sound of thunder makes the guacamole quiver]"

"I accidentally left the refrigerator open while watching Game of Thrones (SPOILERS EVERTHING)"