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Joke of the Day

"Dear YouTube: Please just assume that I'd like to ""skip ad"". You don't need to ask anymore."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate a tit a lot."

"*bird forgets to set alarm clock* *worm has pretty laid back morning*"

"Did you hear about... Did you hear about the blind circumciser? He got the sack!"

"whats the difference between an old dirty subway and a lobster with breast implants one is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean"

"Are you sure we haven't met before? Because I feel like I hate you from somewhere."

"It's interesting how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone."

"I always keep a taser on me in case anyone asks if they can have one of my fries."

"""Well, I guess I'll stagger around, speak gibberish, & touch all the shit I'm not supposed to while you get irritated."" Drunks & toddlers."

"Why was the baseball player arrested? He was involved in a hit-and-run."