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Joke of the Day

"""If all your friends jumped"" 'Yes' ""But if they"" 'Yes' ""But"" 'IF I EVER GET FRIENDS I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT ME TO, OK MOM?"

"A jewish boy goes up to his father and says ""Abba, I need 40 dollars."" The father looks surprised and says "" THIRTY DOLLARS? What do you need Twenty dollars for?"""

"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from..."

"I wanted to have sex with Uma Thurman until I saw her toes in Kill Bill."

"Why did the dyslexic engineer fail college? Because he didn't understand psychics."

"What's Hitler's favorite part of a golf course? The bunker"

"My girlfriend's ex won't leave her alone. I'd drive there and do something about it if my wife would just give me the keys."

"There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about that Backstreet Boy asking his pals, ""am I sexual?"" & they're like, ""yeah."""

"[baby sitting] ""Hey, yeah it's me. No, everything's fine. Just a quick question about his legs."" ""..."" ""So how many legs did he have?"""

"Comas make a big difference in a sentence. For example: Ben is in a hurry Ben is in a coma"