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Joke of the Day

"[baby sitting] ""Hey, yeah it's me. No, everything's fine. Just a quick question about his legs."" ""..."" ""So how many legs did he have?"""

"If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it."

"'Do what you want!' she cried lying back on the bed. 'I love a man who takes control.' 'OK' he said and put her CDs into alphabetical order."

"Why was the rabbit hopping in circles? Because I shot its leg off."

"Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Woman? You have to drop the bomb twice."

"Anyone that says there are no stupid questions has never had to explain to a 5 year old why there are no pink bananas 267 times today."

"I suck in my stomach when I weigh myself like my scale will be all ""oh she's much thinner than I thought, I'll adjust the numbers."""

"donald trump: ILL HAVE THE SUPER SALAD! waiter: lol no I said soup OR s- [assistant sliding $100] just bring him a huge bowl of lettuce"

"The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."

"Are you a Popsicle stand? ...Because I kind of want to blow you"