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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's ex won't leave her alone. I'd drive there and do something about it if my wife would just give me the keys."

"Drove past a Graveyard today... How many people are dead in there? my father says... i go unno? He says "" All of em"" dadjoked. It was 1998."

"His icy glare melts my creamy core. He's so cold, beads of water drip down his exterior. My walls ache to be drowned by him. -Oreo to milk"

"The Friend zone. It's like being turned down for a job, then they call you a week later complaining about the person they hired."

"Welcome to the Geology Department Have a gneiss day!"

"What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? No more jokes about the profit."

"i don't see why i have to clean the shower. imo it is the shower's job to clean me"

"FYI- Clear plastic bra straps make you look like you're stuffed in a 6-pack ring."

"Benedict Cumberbatch announced that he's really well known now To which I say ""No shit, Sherlock."""

"Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth."